RELATIONSHIP WITH FRIENDS

VIDEO 1: Small Talk | Friendship | CBC Kids

Lesson point 1: What are friends for?

• What is the worst form of punishment a person can be sentenced to in the legal system? You may tell it is the death sentence. It is not! The worst punishment a person can go through is solitary confinement. The prisoner does not see any other human being for over 23 hours a day. For years he has no communication, no friends, no one to share your joys or pains with. It is worse than death. Can you imagine a life without friends? We may not have the best of friends but the fact is that we need friends.

• Most of us have more friends online than we have in real life! It is important that we understand the need for personal face to face interaction over those through gadgets. Friendships are an important factor in the maturing process of a person. The ability to make and maintain friends is a skill that all of must pick up.

• So, how do we choose these friends? We get new friends at different stages of our life. Early on in life, we may not have specific reasons why we choose to be friends with someone. As we grow up, we become selective and our friends become fewer. We tend to be close to those who affirm, listen and care for us. There are also those who look for friends to gain something out of them like skills, respect and resources. There are very few who willingly choose to be a friend to the unpopular or poor students in their class.

• So what are the qualities you look for in friend? (Let the students answer) Here are some desirable qualities of a friend:

○ Honesty - will say the truth even when it is difficult

○ Loyalty - will stay with you even in times of trial

○ Respect - will honour your space and convictions

○ Inspiring - will challenge you to think differently and take right choices

• Like it or not our friends influence our behaviour and decisions. Statistics prove that most teenagers get into destructive habits because of the pressure from their friends to conform. We end up doing a lot of things just to fit in - be it the clothes we wear, the music we listen to, the words we speak and the habits we start. We become who our friends are and so we must be careful about the friends who influence us.

Activity: Do you know your friend?

Call 2-4 pairs of students who have been good friends for more than five years. Give them a written questionnaire which they have to fill up within 2 minutes. They cannot consult each other while filling the answers. After finishing, collect back the papers and verify each answer with the partner. For each correct answer, award points to the pair. The pair with most points win! Here are some sample questions:

• When was your friend born?

• What is your friend’s favourite colour?

• What is your friend’s favourite food?

• Which is your friend’s favourite subject in school?

• What is your friend’s dream job/aim in life?

For example: Student A and B have paired up as friends. Give the questionnaire to both A and B. Once they fill it up, collect back the papers. Ask students A & B the first question - “When were you born?”. Verify the answer A gives about himself with the answer B has written about his friend and vice versa. Award one point for each correct answer

Lesson point 2: Effects and Facts……

• Effects of having the wrong set of friends:

o It will ruin you

o You will be unhappy with your friendship

o You will be lending into wrongdoings.

o Academically you will lose interest and you will get low grades.

o You might not obey your parents.

• Friendship – some misconceptions:

o Friends will be there for you all throughout your life: The fact is friends will be there till you finish schooling, after which you will find new friends and new people. Then when you finish college you will get new friends at work. Every time you get into a new atmosphere your friends will also change. Occasionally some close friends might stay and be in touch with you for a long period of your life.

o Friends know everything: Friends do not know anything much. They are also just like you, they know as much as you know. Parents and elders know much more than you because they have seen the world much before you and are more experienced than you.

o The more friends you have, the better it is: In friendship quality is what matters, not quantity. Too many friends can only create problems. You won’t be able to spend time with all your friends. It is good to be friendly with all, but maintaining a close relationship with few is considered wise.

o You need a best friend: Yes, you need friends to be with, enjoy, share and lean on. But they certainly aren’t a requirement for happiness.

o Friends share everything: Friends do not share everything. There are limits and boundaries in any relation and we need to respect it. We cannot barge into anybody’s personal affairs without their permit.

Activity: Silent interviewer

This is very much like a game of Charades, except it involves imparting rather more information, so it can be quite hilarious to see the frantic acting of the children. Split the group up into pairs and have each pair tell each other three things about themselves - but without speaking. When they have had enough time to give it a good go, bring everyone back into the group and have each person introduce their partner, and the things they learned - or at least the things they think they learned! This game reveals interesting facts about each person and helps to build bonds between peers in a very fun, relaxed way.

Lesson point 3: Buddies for life

Friendships play an important role in our life and we must invest time and effort to develop and nourish them. Here are some practical things to consider:

• Make a list of your friends. Check how these friendships are impacting your character and choices. Ask yourself:

○ Are they helping you do the right thing?

○ Are they helping you grow in your faith and convictions?

○ Are you a positive influence in their lives?

• Try to have friends of different age groups. Some younger, some of the same age and some older than you. In this way you will be able to learn and teach at the same time. Being surrounded by people who think, eat and dress just like will give you very little exposure about the real world. Have both male and female friends as it helps overcome shyness and in understanding the other gender. Be friendly with as many people as possible. Having said that, maintain right boundaries so that friendships remain healthy and mutually respecting.

• Cherish the relationships that you value. Watch out for the fissures in friendships. Avoid gossip, comparison, keeping record of past wrongs and learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness ASAP. Take the initiative to mend a broken relationship. The person is more valuable than your ego.

• Reach out to the lonely ones around you. We expect to receive from our friends but we also need to be givers. Start a conversation or share a meal with a someone who has no friends. You will make a world of difference in his/her life.

• Pray for your friends. Pray for their physical, emotional, educational and family needs. Praying for them is a sign that you truly love them and care for them.

• Appreciate your friends. Always say words that are encouraging and pleasant. Don’t take your friends for granted and say whatever you feel like. Appreciate them when they do something nice. Always use positive words.

• Offer time and attention. Spend time with your friends, give them some time to enjoy with your company. But be careful not to over prioritize your friends. When you are free spend time with them in a qualitative manner.

• Be compassionate. Be concerned about the needs of your friends. When they go through a tough time, understand and be there with them. When they make a mistake, forgive them.

• Don't abuse trust. If your friend has shared something that is confidential, make sure you keep it to yourself. Don’t go around telling to others, then you might lose your friendship.

• Control jealousy. Don’t feel jealous of your friend’s achievements or about something that your friend has. Be happy for them. Jealousy can rot your friendship.

• Curb the urge to criticize. Try not to criticize your friends too much. When you think they are wrong, correct them with politeness. Also be careful not to make fun of them when they guff- up.

• Respect each other. Respect each other. Respect each other’s ideas, viewpoints and thinking. Respecting each other will enable you to build your bonding stronger.