GOSSIP

Lesson Point 1: What’s wrong about Gossiping?

Activity 1: Gossip in Action

Ask 10 students to form a line, one behind the other. Show an action (like kick starting a bike) to the last in the line and ask him/her to show it to the person in front of him (the others in the line should not see it). Continue this till the message passes to everyone in the line. Ask the last person to show the action to the first person who started it.

Debrief: Ask the students:

• Why did they go wrong?

• What could have been done for better communication?

Illustration 1:

Jasmine had got into the train and had taken a seat next to the window. As she was looking out of the window admiring the scenic view of the nature around, a lady came next to her to sit. She requested Jasmine to hold a bottle of wine that she had, as she settles down to sit and Jasmine helped the Lady. But one of Jasmine’s mother’s friends happened to pass by and saw Jasmine hold the bottle of wine, and thought that the bottle belonged to Jasmine and called up to one of her friend and said that Jasmine drinks alcohol. The news about it spread like a fire among all of Jasmine’s mother’s friends. And when Jasmine’s mother heard about her daughter she was very hurt and angry on her daughter. When Jasmine came home her mother questioned her about the whole incident, and Jasmine was hurt and was in tears, she explains to her mother the whole incident and asked sorry. Jasmine’s mother trusts her and comforts her and tells her to be careful next time when she is out.

• What makes us gossip? Gossip! It is a juicy word. We all want to stay away from spreading rumours about others but when the time comes, it seems irresistible. Gossip is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others involving details which are not confirmed as true. We live in a world that celebrates gossip. Most newspapers have a column where they publish small talk about movie stars and their rumoured life choices. Somehow the readers find immense pleasure in knowing these private details and the newspapers provide what they desire. There are TV channels entirely dedicated to Bollywood and Hollywood gossip.

• The damage caused. Almost all of us are involved in spreading rumours, either by speaking or by listening. Most topics we gossip may not be entirely false; it may be unverified news or a partially true one. But the problem with gossip is that it damages people’s reputation and self-confidence. So what are the different things that you gossip about in school - the hot topics? (Let the students answer) Here are some:

  1. Rumours about parents

  2. Personal life of teachers

  3. Girlfriend - Boyfriend connections

  4. Isolate students who are different - based on appearance/ behaviour/ background

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• What prompts us to spread a rumour even when we know it may not be true?

  1. We gossip to forget our own flaws and focus on others’. It is easy to talk about someone else’s wrong choices as it covers up our own. Most of us have deep problems of our own because of our wrong choices and gossip becomes an escape route to forget about them.

  2. We gossip to feel better than others. We somehow feel just because we did not do this particular thing that someone else did, we are better than them. The funny fact is that we ourselves fall short on the judgement standards that we use for others.

  3. Some people gossip to have sadistic fun. They find pleasure in inflicting pain in others. They may even have the right information about someone else but they pass on the wrong information so that they can dominate someone else for their own selfish needs.

Lesson Point 2: Recognise Gossip

Why is gossip so bad? “After all, it is for some harmless fun!”, you may say. Well gossip has the potential to do great damage far beyond we can imagine. Here is what it does:

1. Gossip messes up people. When you realise that people have been spreading rumours in your name and talking behind your back, it can be like an unexpected lightning bolt. It will destroy every bit of self-confidence and self-esteem a person has. Some go into deep depression and their personalities are marred for life.

2. Gossip destroys trust. When you see a person you trusted spreading gossip about you, it will make you furious. You will not be able to trust that person ever again. If you speak ill behind others back, be assured that others are doing the same behind yours because they cannot trust you.

3. Gossip will make you a habitual liar. You will start to enjoy speaking lies naturally. Even half-truths are lies.

4. If you are a gossiper you will see only negative about others. Even if that person who you gossip about has 100 good qualities, you will be interested in one weakness they have. Gossiping will make you a selfish and negative person who no one will like to hang out with.

• Facts about Gossip…

1. Words Do Hurt. No matter how strong you are, or how confident you are, when there is a gossip about you which was supposed to be personal, you will feel hurt.

2. Words always get back to the person. No matter how secretive you keep the gossip, how much you tell the other person not to tell, the gossip leaks out and reaches the concerned person.

3. Some people like to listen and pass on rumors and gossip. They are usually idle and they always like to interfere in the personal affairs of others. Don’t join hands with such people.

4. It is natural for people to talk negatively about others. It makes you feel superior than the other person. People talk about others because they are insecure and not confident about themselves.

5. It is usually a misinterpretation or misunderstanding about a person that leads to a gossip. So, whenever you gossip - remember, it can be false news about the person talked.

6. It comes in all forms. Gossip is anything you speak negatively about a person in the absence of them. You might be thinking that you are just passing on information or you are just concerned for the person, but then it’s a gossip. The message can be true or false.

7. It can be stopped. The good news is it can be stopped. You can stop talking about others.

Activity: Interpretations and Assumptions

A common rumor scenario is when people jump to conclusions based on assumption, speculation and partial knowledge of the situation leading to all kinds of harmful misinterpretations. Give children some hypothetical examples. For instance, say you see the new girl at school getting into a police car. You don't know her or her family or anything about why she was getting into the police car but you start to talk amongst your friends about the possibilities.

Debrief: Ask the students

1. To identify some things that they might assume or wonder about if they saw such a situation, such as that she was being arrested for some terrible crime.

2. After the children share, ask if their opinions would change at all if they knew that her dad was a police officer.

Another example might be overhearing part of a conversation and assuming you know the entire story. For instance, you hear "I'll take him outside and then you can really let him have it."

Debrief: Discuss what the children think is going to happen, such as one kid is going to lure another kid outside for a third kid to beat up. Then ask how their interpretations and expectations would change if they knew the speakers were friends of the third kid and planning a birthday surprise for him after school. Elicit the understanding that rumors based on partial facts and half-truths and are not reliable sources of accurate or trustworthy information so should not be repeated.

(You can use your own examples)

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Lesson Point 3: Break the chain…

• Practical ways of countering this menace. While it may be difficult to not participate in the business of gossip, here are some practical ways of countering this menace.

1. Whenever you sense the need of sharing a gossip, ask yourself – Why am I saying this? Or if it is a friend who is telling you a juicy gossip ask him/her - Why are you telling me this? This question will check the motive behind this rumour and you will not be motivated to spread it anymore.

2. Here are some basic rules to follow to avoid being a gossiper:

   • Don’t talk about people when they are not there.

   • Avoid talking about things with unsure or incomplete information.

   • Believe people are innocent and well-meaning till confirmed otherwise.

   • Do unto others what you want them to do for you. Think about how you would feel in similar situations.

   • Say sorry if you made a mistake.

   • When someone entrusts you with a secret or a personal detail which is not supposed to be circulated, keep it to yourself. Respect the privacy of the person.

   • Always talk about things that are encouraging and positive. Appreciate the talents and skills of others.

3. If you find out that the gossip is about you, you must do the following:

• Make corrections if there are mistakes on your part.

• Clarify yourself if needed. Most gossips spread based on misunderstandings.

• Ignore completely if it is not worthy of a response. Do not go for a fight. If things go beyond control, get someone senior involved and share your situation with them - like a parent or a teacher.

• Forgive the babblers.

Illustration 2: Toothpaste Object Lesson

Everyone wishes at some point of time, that they could take back something that they said about someone that’s wrong. Unfortunately, hard words cannot be undone once they are out of your mouth. Illustrate this for children by passing out paper plates, tubes of toothpaste and plastic spoons and knives. Ask them to squeeze a large glob of toothpaste on the plate. Give them one minute to try to stuff all the toothpaste back in the tube. When they cannot, explain that gossip is like trying to put the toothpaste back in the tube, you can't really do it and end up with a big mess. This is why it is important to watch your words before they come out of your mouth because once they are out, the damage is done and it is difficult to take it back.